Quote Time #2

Wayne Campbell: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?

Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.

Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?

Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."

Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.

Quote Time

For recent lack of creativity, I'll try to make amends with some of my favorite movie quotes.

Dr. Evil: All right, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out. Everyone out. C'mon.

[Everyone starts to leave]

Dr. Evil: Not you, Scottie. Not you, Number 2. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember. Not you, guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something.

[Scott and Dr. Evil look at Mini Me]

Dr. Evil: Ohh, this is uncomfortable.

Goldmember: Heheheh, the tiny one can't take a hint, Heheheheh. He doesn't understand he's small.

Creation

On the first day, God created the earth. Then he said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And the light was good. And then he said, "Let there be water and dry land," and he saw the dry land, and it was good too. And then he said, "Let there be plants and fruit," and they appeared and God figured they were good too. And then he said, "Let there be a sun and a moon," and, wouldn't you know it, they were good too. And then he made the animals and man and all that stuff. And at the end, he saw everything that he had made, and he thought it was all "very good."

Now, I certainly appreciate modesty, don't get me wrong, but "good"? Man, if I could point to a dry piece of land and frickin make a cow appear out of nothing, I think I'd be a little more excited. I'd be like, "Holy shit! Did you see that? Yeah, that's right. I just made a cow out of nothing. Mmmm hmmm, that's right I made a cow. You know it. You know I'm the master of the universe. Kneel down before Zod!"

All hubris aside, there's been a lot of creation going on around here, so it got me to thinking. To create, to build, to construct, to... running out of synonyms... create... anyway, to make something from nothing, or from something else entirely different, is one of the most satisfying things we can do. Whether you're creating a painting, a file cabinet, a grade, a report, a mixed drink, a holiday display, a batch of cookies, a baby, a smile, a joke, a phone call, a table... whatever the case may be, you know that you are in full control and that you helped to make something that previously did not exist. It's way deep.

A sense of accomplishment is something that we sometimes struggle to feel as we move from day to day in the chaos of life. Every once in while, we stop and say, "Hey, I did that!" and kick back with a cold one, genuinely satisfied with whatever the task may have been. But I think what we don't realize is that we have a profound effect on other people every second of every minute of every hour of every... you get the picture.

Every time you make someone think and every time you make someone laugh, that is a creation. That thought or that smile did not exist before you. It is new. Without the creation of these things, the world would remain stagnant and very boring.

Creation is very satisfying. We just have to stop and realize that we've accomplished something good. It's a great feeling. I created a painting today. And it is good.

Who wrote the Old Testament anyway? A two year old?

There are two things I hate in this world... people who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Swedes.

The following is a note from my friend, Katie. It follows an unfortunate series of events regarding one particular table, which I now refer to as, my "fucking table." I have learned a lot from this experience. Actually, I have only learned one thing: never EVER shop at Ikea. They will eat away at your hopes and dreams and then, just when you think that they hand them back to you, they rip them away!

Katie's email follows.

I'm sorry to hear you're having second thoughts.

To be honest, I'm completely confident that if we just saw off a quarter inch here and there on the underside of the base, it'll be fine. The only way in which sawing would affect the balance of the table would be if we were sawing off part of the length of the leg itself, which we wouldn't be doing. It's just a matter of getting the girth of the leg far enough in to be flush with the underside of the base. We'd merely be trimming off excess wood that shouldn't been there in the first place. I don't see it as making changes to a design, or circumventing it in any way. I see it as correcting a flaw that was a result of shoddy manufacturing. If I had a model, I could show you more effectively what I'm trying to say. So how about an extended metaphor instead?

Say you buy a coat. You try it on in the store and it fits great and you love the style, but you don't want to take the one that's been sitting out on the salesfloor that 500 people have tried on. So you take one that the salesperson just put out, same size, color, etc.

You get home and the next day it's cold as balls, so you're like oh man I really need my new coat today! But when you go to put it on and button it up, you realize that the button and its corresponding buttonhole, do not match up. It's a difference of a mere half an inch, but it still means that you can't button up your coat. It's a simple manufacturing error, the 8 year old in the sweatshop was so exhausted and emaciated that he sewed the button on a half an inch too far to the right. So what do you do? You can take the coat back to the store and exchange it, which is a schlepp, or you just get a needle and thread and move the button over a half an inch. Voila, problem solved. And then, of course, you organize a campaign to end sweatshop labor and vow from then on to only buy fair-trade manufactured goods. Take that, Kathie Lee!

So how about this -
We attempt to fix the problem by sawing. It's worth a shot, especially if it will save you the trouble of trying to exchange the giant heavy table. If trimming it doesn't work, (but I'm like 96% certain that it will), then you can exchange it.

I'm not just saying this because I've been looking forward to a Knights of the Round Table drinking night. Seriously, I'm not. It's because you have a chance to be proactive and fix the problem yourself (even though you shouldn't have to, I know), and avoiding the complacent, lackadaisical incompetency of the mass-produced furniture industry. You have a chance to stand up and say, 'hey, Ikea, I don't need your frickin help with your stupid frickin shoddy table you sold me! Fuck you! I'll fix it my own damn self! I'm not dependent on you!' , because so many people are dependent on these megalithic, uncaring institutions to solve the problems in their lives. An attempt at sawing is an attempt to take back control over your life, and that you're not going to be pushed around by Ikea, or anyone.

Yeah, so basically I see your table as a metaphor for life.

haha
:-)