Thought I’d take a break from thoughts on media and religion, and start talking about what really matters in life - coffee. Each day presents new challenges, new faces, new experiences (which is great). But there are also a few consistencies that help establish stability (also good). One of these regular daily occurrences, and the one I would argue to be most important, is none other than my friend, an invigorating cup ‘o joe.
Coffee literally fuels my day, every day. I make a four-cup pot in the morning and typically stop for some extra goop on my way to work. Like most people in this city, coffee is a part of my life. I enjoy the aroma. I enjoy the people I meet in the coffee shops. I enjoy the caffeine. I enjoy the short reprieve on my walk to work and the realization that ok, now I am ready for this day. And I enjoy the power of personal choice associated with a cup of coffee. Do I want milk today? Sugar? Espresso? Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. But it’s definitely up to me. I can start my day off with a rock-hard decision. Feels good.
Until…
I decided to get some treats for my team at work this week. So I stopped in the Krispy Kreme around 7:45 a.m. for 48 donut holes and, of course, a cup of coffee for myself.
Me: “48 donut holes, please.”
Lady: “What kind?”
Me: “Um, half chocolate, half regular.”
[Donut counting takes place]
Lady: “Ok, here you go.”
Me: “Great, thanks! And can I get a tall of your bold coffee. That’s it.”
Lady: “A what?”
Me: “Just a tall coffee, please. The bold flavor. Thanks.”
Lady: “Excuse me, but we don’t have ‘tall’ coffee.”
Me: “Um, ok.”
Lady [now with attitude]: “You’re not in Starbucks.”
Me: “Ok, sorry.”
Lady: “I used to work there though. Those bitches.”
Me: “Huh.”
Lady: “So you want a small?”
Me [checking the menu above]: “Yeah, small. That’s good. Thanks.”
As I walked to work that day, carrying my donut holes and coffee, I realized several things.
One, the bitchiness of that lady’s ex-coworkers is apparently contagious.
Two, maybe I was wrong about the whole “personal choice” and “rock-hard decision” thing. Maybe I’m completely powerLESS when it comes to coffee. Could that be true? Have I been brainwashed by the big bad Starbucks? Not every coffee shop has tall, grande and venti? WHAT??!!? Maybe we’re all puppets when it comes to coffee choices. We think we rule our own destiny when we say things like, “I’ll have a grande skim hazelnut mocha, sugar free syrup, no whip, extra shot… and can you leave the top off?” But what we fail to realize is that we’ve been trained to say that. It’s totally a false sense of control. Come on people. You’re spending over three bucks on a small amount of liquid when you could easily just get a plain coffee, add your own milk and there you go. “But it tastes so good,” right? “They make it just the way I like it.” Oh no, they tell you how you like it.
My confusion in Krispy Kreme was a real eye-opener for me. Of course not everyone serves tall, grande and venti! Man, the effects of this homogenized society. Not good.
Three, I started to contemplate the meaning of tall, grande and venti. And I realized that the brainwashing is even worse than I originally imagined. Why? Because it’s not even a logical order. Let me explain.
The real sizes of coffee cups, at Starbucks as well as other coffee shops, are 12 oz, 16 oz and 20 oz. That’s pretty standard for “to go” coffee. “Venti” actually does mean “20” in Italian (shout out to my heritage!). So, in logical order, the 16 oz should be called “sedici” and the 12 oz “dodici.” But no! What the hell? They try to act all cool with the Italian word, but don’t really follow through. Posers.
Furthermore, if the 12 oz is “tall,” then the next should be “taller” and then, you guessed it, “tallest.” But this baffles me too, because shouldn’t “tall” be one of the bigger sizes to begin with? And then we should have a “short” and maybe a “holy crap he’s huge” size.
You get the point. Not only are we conditioned to think that tall, grande and venti are normal, but the conditioning is not based in any sort of logic. I’d like to thank you, bitchy lady in Krispy Kreme, for bringing all this to my attention.
By the way, the donut holes in Krispy Kreme are like heaven in a little ball of sugar and fat. Mmmmm….
June 24, 2005
The Great Coffee Debate - No, the Other One
June 8, 2005
Mary Magdalene
Just wanted to point out that Anne Bancroft passed away recently. It's a sad day for us all really. With such groundbreaking performances as Mrs. Robinson and Anne Sullivan, she made a strong mark on American cinematography. However, the role that changed my life had to be her depiction of Mary Magdalene in Jesus of Nazareth.
As a Catholic school girl (don't get any ideas, I really was a Catholic school girl, and honestly very innocent, until reality set in, but that's another story) ... anyway, as a Catholic school girl, I was forced to watch Jesus of Nazareth at least 100 times in grade school and high school. Every chance we got, we watched that frickin' movie. I'm sorry, did someone say brainwashing cult? Don't get me wrong, it's a great movie - far superior to the overly scary Mel Gibson version, by the way - but perhaps slight overkill in my early upbringing.
The character in the movie that always struck me was Mary Magdalene, played by Anne Bancroft. (Note: I had no idea who Anne Bancroft was at the time, and it’s really not relevant, but provided a good segue for this post.)
Mary Magdalene had a bad rap, you know, being a prostitute and all that. But she was cool. She knew how to hang with the apostles. And she was one of the few major female characters in the Bible. Too bad she was a whore. Looking back, I wonder who my role model was supposed to be… the immaculate Mary, mother of God, born without original sin? ‘Cause that’s totally attainable. Ha. Or maybe Mary Magdalene, the sinful, yet forgiven, prostitute. Hmmmm…
So I’ve always leant towards the prostitute, not because I consider myself to be one, but maybe because she wasn’t perfect, and I knew I was far from the Catholic perception of “perfect.” Plus you know she was hooking up with the big JC. Come on, people. He was half man and half god, right? And I think we can all figure out which half was which, if ya know what I’m sayin’.
And also, the best song in Jesus Christ, Superstar is “I Don’t Know How to Love Him,” sung by none other than my favorite, the original Eminem. You go Mary Magdalene. That song rocks out.
So I was convinced that Mary Magdalene was to be my role model. A sinner, yes, but she was transformed. She saw love and compassion in the eyes of Christ and turned her life around. She, amazingly, didn’t need to sell herself anymore because she joined a cult that provided food and shelter I guess. (Sorry, I’m going to hell, I know.) She was a devote follower. Despite her wretched sins, she was forgiven. Ok, I could deal with that. Until…
I read recently that Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute. WHAT?!?!? I know. Apparently, there are a lot of scholars out there who say that nothing in the New Testament says she was a whore. This is what we know:
Luke writes that Jesus casts seven demons from her, after which she joins his disciples and provides for them. Then, she witnesses the crucifixion from the foot of the cross, after the male disciples fled. She witnessed Christ’s burial. And she was the first witness to the resurrection and was sent by Jesus to tell his other disciples of his return, therefore called the “Apostle of the Apostles.”Those are facts. Well, as much as the Bible is able to provide facts anyway. So how did she get this awful reputation? Answer: at the end of the 6th century, Pope Gregory the Great gave a sermon in which he characterized Mary Magdalene as a prostitute. Possibly incited by rumor already out there, but still. Way to knock us down, Pope Man.
Many are using the facts about Mary Magdalene as reasons to ordain women in the Catholic Church. If she was the first person that Jesus appeared to after the resurrection, then she, and women everywhere, must be worthy. I’m not going to get into that argument, but I have to say, the story of Mary Magdalene is now more inspiring. She was not a “fallen woman” or a “harlot” as Pope Gregory the Great would have us think. She was a strong leader. And little Catholic girls everywhere should know that... I mean, if we're going to brainwash them, might as well try to use the truth.
http://www.danbrown.com/media/morenews/time.html
June 1, 2005
