Like Apples and Oranges

I swear to god this is true. Public transportation is a funny thing, full of funny people and funny situations. This has to top them all, at least for me, and at least in a very long time.

It was Friday morning, early, about 7:30 a.m. I boarded the 42 headed south. I paid my $1.25, walked to the back of the bus, just past the back exit door, and took a seat next to a very nice Hispanic gentleman. Slowly, in my morning caffeine-not-quite-kicking-in-yet daze, I realized that the bus driver kept looking in her huge rearview mirror in my general direction. And she looked pissed!

Ask anyone who regularly rides the 42 from about 7:00 to 8:00 a.m. This bus driver is memorable. She exudes miserableness. Is that a word? Well, that's what she exudes.

In any case, I began to get really paranoid that she was looking - wait, scratch that - scowling at me. I mean, this woman could stare you down into submission, I tell no lie.

Finally, at about Connecticut and R streets, she swings herself completely around and says, "You know you're not eatin' oranges on this bus! You KNOW you're not eatin' no oranges on MY bus!"

Everyone looked around like, "Are you eating oranges? I'm not eating oranges, are you?" I'll admit, I smelled something citrus, but I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from.

Then, at the Dupont Circle stop, she actually got up from her bus driver seat and proceeded in my direction, scowl in full force. I had no trace of an orange, or any kind of fruit for that matter, so I felt safe. But, deep down, I feared I was being set up. Did someone plant an orange on me? I was so scared, I'm not kidding.

A sigh of relief! She stopped a few rows in front of me, pointer finger extended, and started beating into this poor guy. The conversation went like this:

Driver Lady: I told you not to be eatin' no oranges on this bus! What do you think you're doin', eatin' oranges on this bus?
Scared Russian Dude (please try to picture a thick Russian accent): Excuse me?
Driver Lady: You best not be eatin' no oranges on this bus! Do you HEAR me? How many times do I have to say it?
Scared Russian Dude: Is it a crime to EAT???
Driver Lady: On this bus it is!
Russian Dude (now sarcastically): So, now it is a crime to eat?
Driver Lady: ON THIS BUS IT IS!
Russian Dude (now mumbling to himself as Driver Lady sits down and resumes the trip): Blah blah blah Russian slang blah blah blah.
Random Passenger #1: You mean you can't let the man eat? Look at him! He's hungry! Why y'all be trippin' over an orange? Shit... it's 6 in the morning and y'all trippin' over a hungry brother who just wants to eat. Sheeeeet y'all.
Russian Dude: You see??? You see what they are doing to you! They are taking away your freedoms one by one. In Soviet Union, people killed for eating oranges! Crime to eat on a bus... (Russian mumbling again)
Random Passenger #2: It's a rule, just follow the rule. The woman said you can't eat oranges on the bus, so don't eat oranges on the bus!
Random Passenger #1: Y'all, it's 6 in the morning! And y'all is trippin' over an orange. Shit.
Random Passenger #2: A rule is a rule. It's not an infringement on your rights. Just eat the orange 10 minutes later when you get off the bus.
Random Passenger #1: The man is hungry now! What the fuck, y'all.

Awkward silence. Then I got off the bus, at my usual stop, although I was so incredibly tempted to stay on. Only in DC, I swear, could you get into a very public political debate with complete strangers about personal freedoms - incited by an orange.

Blog Break - Tribute

"Missing You"
- Tina Turner

Everytime I think of you, I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away
and I'm wondering why you left

And there's a storm that's raging
through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time thinking about you
and it's almost driving me wild

And there's a heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all - missing you
since you've been gone
away
missing you
I ain't missing you - missing you
No matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire
and I'm sending the signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
and it looks like I'm losing this fight

In your world I have no meaning
though I'm trying hard to understand

and it's my heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all - missing you
since you've been gone
away
missing you
I ain't missing you - missing you
No matter what I might say

there's a message that I'm sending out
via telegraph to your soul
and if I can't breach this distance
stop this heartbreak overload

Middle Path and New Car

It’s been way too long, way too long. It’s been, what, two weeks, since my last confession? Man, sometimes my Catholic upbringing definitely scares me.

So anyway, these past few weeks have been nothing short of completely nuts. I’ve been getting to work around 7:30 everyday, still staying past 6:30, trying to workout as much as ever, also trying to relax, go out with friends, make weekend trips, keep in touch with family, stay grounded, stay healthy, sleep enough, eat enough, not eat too much, not drink too much, stay cool, manage more responsibility at work, move into an office, establish a candy bowl so people visit me, be there for other people when they need me, throw a party, clean my apartment, do laundry, did I mention stay grounded?

That’s the hardest part.

And, sometimes, it takes a day like this past Sunday to really make you stop… and think. It was one of the hottest days of the summer so far. Typical DC humidity, heat index over 100. Plus it was a Sunday, so on top of the standard hangover that descends upon Adams Morgan’s streets on such a morning, it was hot as hell. No one was out. And if you were, you weren’t talking. And you moved reeeeeeeaaaal slow too.

It takes a day like that to physically slow you down. How crazy is that? Do we really live in a society that does not allow us to think? To slow down? Are our lives that hectic that we can't enjoy the present without the constant worry about the future? I would argue that the answers are all "yes." Because if we did, in fact, slow down, we'd fall behind. Other people would gain advantage and we'd end up in the dust. Crazy materialism. Crazy capitalism.

It was at that moment that I found myself in a used bookstore, searching through the Eastern philosophy section. I decided I’d become a Buddhist. Yeah, you heard me right. That was the answer! No? Not the answer?

Life is suffering, says Buddhism. But we can all still be happy by avoiding our cravings and our desire for material possessions. We must live a simple life. We must try to modify our “wanting” so that all we want is to continue to exist. Then we hit the enlightenment, and all is well. Then we have more time for others and we learn to live one day at a time, enjoying what is the “present.”

Interesting… but I think the most interesting concept in Buddhism is the “middle path.” Bear with me on this one. Buddhists talk a lot about wisdom and compassion. One extreme is when you’re an emotional fool (too much compassion) and the other extreme is when you’re super smart, but kind of a dick (no emotion at all). The correct way is somewhere in the middle… hence “the middle path.”

And that’s my new goal. Call it Buddhism if you want, but whatever it is, I hope to attain it someday. It involves things like open-mindedness, flexibility, wisdom and patience. I’d like to add “new car” to that. Ha. Maybe I'm not really cut out to be a true Buddhist. To be continued…