I am Geisha

Although I've never seen Memoirs of a Geisha, I am fascinated by the scene in the teaser that shows her walking down the street, staring into the eyes of men passing by. She is proving her Geisha prowess by trying to completely overpower them with her stare. One man is so distracted that he falls off his bike.


So this has been my new mission. Over the last several weeks, I've been trying to perfect my "stare" and get men to fall off their bikes. It's not so easy.

DC is the perfect venue to practice though. Bike messengers are all over the place. And Rolling Thunder was this past weekend. I tried what I like to call "the spell" on a few Harley's, but no luck. I think I need to own the regular bike market first, then perhaps graduate to motorcycles.

Once there was a little man on a little bike. You know, the bikes with wheels half the size of normal wheels? As a side note, I never understood why someone would choose wheels so small. It takes you twice as long to get places. In any case, I figured this would be an easy target. But no. The guy was wearing headphones and I couldn't make eye contact. Either that, or the little wheels made his bike more stable... closer to the ground... therefore incapable of being thrown off balance by my geisha stare. Yeah, that must be it.

One time I came so close, I swear to you. Regular bike. Regular guy. He was coming up the sidewalk and I was walking down. So I turned on "full stare mode." We made eye contact but I think the sweat dripping from my face was a turn-off. It was a really hot day. I don't think geishas sweat. Oh well.

Another time there was a cute bike messenger in my elevator at work. He was a foot taller than me, dreads, headphones, body odor... the works. I knew it'd be harder to make him fall over from a standing position, but I tried nonetheless. My fantasy is that my stare would be so incredibly strong that he'd just lose all function in his knees. Then I'd help him up and say, "I'm so sorry. I can't control it." But he must have been listening to a really good song or something. 'Cause I got nothin!

So life must go on. I'll keep trying. I'm not giving up. Some day, years from now, you'll see a story in the Post that reads, "DC Bikers Can't Stay on Bikes: Plague Sweeps the City." That'll be me... geisha power perfected... but without the dominant controlling element. I will be the cool independent liberal geisha. Watch out.

Porkchops

I was reviewing myspace profiles for work (I SWEAR it's part of my job) and I was reminded of how wonderful a porkchop tastes with a little applesauce. Porkchops and applesauce... it's just so right. And definitely not done enough.

Summer Happy Hour Series - Just Do It People

How can you resist the Madam?

RAINN is hosting happy hours at Madam’s Organ this summer that will help raise money and awareness for the fight against sexual assault. Plus, you get to hang out with cool people at one of the coolest bars on the strip.

Madam’s Organ is generously donating $1 from every drink purchase and 20% of food sales directly to RAINN’s programs, including the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

The first happy hour will be from 5 to 9 pm on Thursday, May 18.

Other dates include June 22, July 20 and August 17 --- all are Thursdays.

Going out anyway? Go out for a great cause.

See you there. Don't be a loser. ;)

More info about RAINN can be found at www.rainn.org.

More info about Madam’s Organ can be found at www.madamsorgan.com.

Madam's Organ
2461 18th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20009

Books Are Cool

I did it! I finally read a whole book, in its entirety, cover to cover, yes sir, finito!

It's been a while since I've read a real book that wasn't about Buddhism or Clay Aiken. Haha. Yes, gotta love life's extremes. I used to blame my lack of reading not on illiteracy or failure to comprehend complex themes, but on lack of time. "I'm in PR. I read all the time you know. News online, news in print, press releases, research. I'm sooo busy reading all day that all I want to do is drink a beer and watch some TV when I get home at night."

I now realize that all that is pretty much... um... bullshit.

I realized this when I turned on the TV one night to find Let's Make a Deal on NBC. Howie Mandel, what happened to you, man? Really. Walk Like a Man was such a good movie. Pure quality. Ha!

So I decided to read my book for a new book club I joined. I was hoping originally that the act itself, of joining the group, would inspire me to read. Not so much. I didn't even attempt to buy our first assignment. I was such a slacker.

But I did manage to read The Year of Magical Thinking, our most recent selection. I definitely recommend it. Kind of geared toward the female reader, but a great story. Especially if you've experienced loss in your life, it's an excellent examination of the human mind in a state of mourning. If you've never experienced such a loss, and I don't believe I have, it's a little harder to relate, but still interesting.

Anyway, I finished the book. Yes it was an easy read. Yes it was a chick book. But I did it. And, by god, I will do it again! No longer will I hide behind a cloak of poor excuses. No longer will I "spin" my lack of reading and blame it on my job. And, finally, no longer will I quote this...

- Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say it's okay, I don't mind? I don't mind. Well, I mind! I mind big-time! And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!!!!
- Is that true?
- Yes, everything except the reading part.

ps: Seriously though, props to Howie Mandel. He deserves all the credit in the world for Bobby's World. For real this time.