Crazy Exhibitionist Boxer Lady Bears All in Women’s Locker Room

I’ve never seen anything like it. And, believe me, I’ve seen a lot. I go to a gym where people tend to “show off” quite a bit, but this lady has gone a step too far.

As background, I started taking boxing and kickboxing classes at my gym every week. It’s a great workout, and I love every minute of it, as well as the good night sleep I get afterwards. I’ve become somewhat of a regular. People recognize me, the instructors make fun of me, it’s great.

There is a woman who attends the Tuesday night kickboxing class every week, and, judging by her rather large, yet well-toned, exterior, she’s been a regular far longer than I have. She has her own gloves, just like I do, but hers are for actual boxing, like the version where you hit people. [side note: I prefer hitting bags, not people.] She wears actual boxing clothing, which is very cool, but also somewhat revealing – pretty much a sports bra and loose pants. And if you’re a “truly cool” boxer, the pieces of your boxing outfit should undoubtedly match. Hers do.

This woman has shown up to class with black eyes and bruises on her arms. Nothing to be alarmed about. No need to call social services. I think she’s actually boxing – in the ring. I saw Million Dollar Baby and I ain’t gonna do it. I ain’t gonna do it, Boss!

So you’d think there would be some mutual respect going on between the instructor and this woman. Our instructor is the coolest guy ever. He’s actually a middleweight champion. But, no. He barely talks to her. I should’ve known something was up.

Now that you have the background, let’s get right down to some good ole fashioned exhibitionism.

At the end of every kickboxing class, we take off our gloves and do some stretches. Then we clap for the instructor and start to gather our things. Meanwhile, the music still plays just because they haven’t turned it off yet. Most people are thinking, I’m ready to go home, get me some water, etc. Not crazy exhibitionist boxer lady. No, she starts dancing to the music, in front of the wall of mirrors, staring at herself.

She dances as if she’s in a strip club and she, herself, is her only audience. It’s as if no one is in the room. It’s not like fun, I’m with my girlfriends, kind of dancing. It’s seductive and sexual. It’s almost dirty. To make it worse, she makes faces into the mirror like she’s actually having sex. I wonder what’s going on under those baggy pants now that I think about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good seductive dance with myself in front of a wall of mirrors on occasion, but I don’t think I’d do it in front of 20 people at the gym. Save it for your cat, lady.

And the icing on the cake. The other day, as I was walking out of the ladies locker room, I spotted her. You really can’t miss those muscular arms. I’m surprised that’s the first thing I noticed actually, because she was COMPLETELY naked. And she was drying her boobs with the HAIRDRYER. Who does that? And why would you do that? Maybe her boobs were especially wet that day. But wouldn’t you know, she was doing it in front of a mirror.

When you get right down to it, I don’t mind outward signs of anyone’s sexuality. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, I am totally distracted by this woman. Am I jealous? Am I jealous that she is able to be so openly exhibitionist? Do I secretly want to be one? I don’t think so… I guess crazy exhibitionist boxer lady bothers me because she obviously gets off on her own body, and that, to me, seems sort of self-absorbed. But, hey, she’s not hurting anyone, right?

Just you wait. Crazy exhibitionist boxer lady, if you ever read this, this is NOT about you. You could totally kick my ass and I, in no way, wish to offend you. Now go find a mirror and rock out. You go girl.

FYI ---

Exhibitionist (n.)
1: someone with a compulsive desire to expose the genitals [syn: flasher] 2: someone who deliberately behaves in such a way as to attract attention [syn: show-off]

I couldn't resist

I know I said I would avoid political commentary, but this was just so interesting and upsetting to me, that I had to pass it on.

US accused of trying to block abortion pills
Sarah Boseley, health editor
The Guardian (UK paper)
Thursday April 21, 2005

http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,3858,5175920-103681,00.html

The US government is trying to block the World Health Organisation from endorsing two abortion pills which could save the lives of some of the 68,000 women who die from unsafe practices in poor countries every year.

The WHO wants to put the pills on its essential medicines list, which constitutes official advice to all governments on the basic drugs their doctors should have available.

Last month, an expert committee met to consider a number of new drugs for inclusion on the list. They approved for the first time two pills, to be used in combination for the termination of early pregnancy, called mifepristone and misoprostol. In poor countries where abortion is legal, doctors currently have no alternative to surgery.

The Guardian understands that the US department of health and human services has been lobbying the director general's office at the WHO to block approval of the pills, in line with President George Bush's neoconservative stance on abortion.

While the availability of pills might make abortion easier and could increase the number choosing it, the experts want them listed to reduce the deaths and damage caused by surgery. Every year, 19 million women have unsafe abortions - 18.5 million of those take place in developing countries. An estimated 68,000 women die as a result of botched or unhygienic surgery, while many others suffer long-term damage, including sterility.

The WHO's own department of reproductive health proposed the addition of the abortion pills to the list.

In a review of the drugs for the committee, a Brazilian professor of pharmacology, Lenita Wannmacher, wrote: "There is great concern about the effectiveness and safety of surgical methods that may be less effective and may increase the risk of infection, uterine perforation, cervical laceration, incomplete evacuation, haemorrhage, miscarriage, future sterility and even death."

The risk of death from abortion in developing countries is 100 times higher than in countries such as the UK, where mifepristone has been licensed since 1991. The pills were licensed in the US in 2000.

The WHO committee, which included two British and two US experts, recommended unanimously that the pills go on the essential medicines list. But although the director general's approval is usually a formality and the changes are published within days, more than a month has now passed.

On March 23, the director general's office wrote to committee members asking if they had considered a warning that mifepristone can, in rare cases, carry a risk of serious bacterial infections, sepsis and bleeding. The committee members replied that all side-effects had been considered, adding that the risks of infection and bleeding from surgery in poor countries were far greater.

One committee member told the Guardian that all the evidence on the risks and benefits of the pills had been on the WHO website for months.

A spokeswoman for the WHO director general's office said there had been delays because "we had some questions and sought clarification."

Asked whether there had been any contact between the US department of health and human services and the director general's office, she said: "I can't answer that. I just don't know." She said a decision would be made within days.

The Circle of Life

As the great Sir Elton John once wrote, it’s the circle of life, and it moves us all. Through despair and hope. Through faith and love… was that before or after the baby lion watches his own father get killed by a, what was it? Stampede of hyenas? Or was it Jeremy Irons? I don’t remember. But it was not good. Disney movies are scary.

Anyway, I had a revelation this morning that I thought I’d share. There has been a lot of change in my life recently. Out with the old and in with the new. Connecting the past to the present. Finding peace in an otherwise crazy situation. Making plans. Breaking plans. Dealing with separation. Finding new hobbies, new friends. Rediscovering old relationships. Moving on. Caring more deeply than I thought I could. You know how it is, it’s just life. Anyway, my revelation.

The circle of life is somewhat deceiving, at least to me. I believe that we are all connected and I believe in action/reaction or cause/effect theories, but there is a slight difference in how I choose to live my life. The circle of life suggests a sort of fatality, a predetermined destiny. Once you find your place in this world, you do your thing and that’s that. The rest will fall into place around you, in the “circle.” You’re kind of moved along in the rotation.

Not me. I make my own destiny. My life is more of an octagon or a trapezoid even, with a huge diagonal line down the center, just in case I want to go from Point D to Point A and I don’t have a lot of time. I can eat tofu if I want to (not likely, but just making a point). I can choose not to have children and that could be ok. I can cancel all my plans and risk my job if that meant taking care of someone I love. I can be a really good person… and yet not believe in a particular religion. I can order an extra greasy burger and fries, with a diet coke on the side. I can take off for the weekend with no real agenda. Or I can carefully plan a single evening. I can paint a wall in my bedroom fluorescent green if I wanted to… not that I would of course.

The point? I think I finally realized, in a really conscious way, that life is not about falling into “the circle.” It’s about enjoying whatever shape you make it out to be. And it was at that exact moment when I decided to become a geometry teacher.

Freaky Yogurt Loaf People

Tuesday morning. The sun was shining, about 45 degrees and slowly climbing to the predicted 70 for the day. I was strutting my shades and feeling “all cool ‘n shit.” People were generally happy, taking more time than usual on the walk to work given the beautiful weather. Things were looking up, and I was feeling chill. I decided to stop in my favorite coffee shop for my signature “tall regular coffee.” Start the day off right.

The people in this place know me well. I frequently stop there for the aforementioned regular coffee, and often add on a “yogurt loaf” to my order. For background, the yogurt loaf is a miracle of modern baking technology. It’s about 5 x 4 x 2 inches, individually wrapped in plastic wrap, and is surprisingly 97% fat free. You can get the marble flavor, lemon, or, my fave, cappuccino chocolate chip. Full of sugar, granted, but whatever, it’s good.

Anyway, I had already had breakfast, so I just ordered the coffee. As I’m paying, I glance over to where the basket of yogurt loaves usually sits on the counter, hoping I wouldn’t be tempted to get one (I’m trying to avoid the double breakfast). There was no basket, so I casually say to the friendly girl at the register, “What? No yogurt loaves anymore?” to which chaos quickly ensued.

As if I just fired a preemptive gunshot from the front lines, the workers in the coffee shop quickly sprung to attention. There were four of them, apparently previously hiding under the counter, I’m really not sure. It’s kind of blurry. The girl at the register started pacing back and forth and the other three ran to the back to search for the yogurt loaves. I tried to stop them by yelling an original, “Stop!” No one seemed to hear me, they were so determined. It was seriously insane. It was only 8:00 a.m., and I was confused.

The only way to actually bring to an end to the great crusade for the yogurt loaf was to literally scream, with my hands actually up in the air in “stop” positions, “Please stop! Not today! I don’t want the yogurt loaf today! Thank you so much, but I was just asking! NOT TODAY!!! STOP!!!”

Register girl finally stopped pacing and heard me. Because I already had my change from the coffee purchase, I just snuck out. There was nothing else I could do. A few of them were still scurrying about trying to find a piece of yogurt loaf. I hope they found one, for their sakes. I just laughed the rest of my way to work…

http://bkfoods.com/loaves.html

PS: A shout out to Uncommon Grounds, the Georgetown coffee shop, who sold yogurt muffins (very similar product) when I went to school there. I’m not sure if they sell them, but that’s what got me hooked. Little did I know that when you start to work downtown, muffins morph into loaves, and loaves produce irrational obsessive behaviors, but it’s all good.

Not funny, yet I laugh

If one more person sends me this Easter bunny rap thing, I might do something drastic. I have received this forward from several people over the last few days, and, every time, I think, yay, a personal email. And then, almost inevitably, it's the god damn bunny rap.

I can only describe it like an accident on the side of a highway. You know it's bad, but you can't stop looking. Oh, and there's a freaky bunny rapper singing on your radio too.

Check it out. I guess it could be somewhat entertaining, if the bunny was actually cute, and not the size of a horse. However, I have to admit, it makes me laugh. So keep 'em coming! You know you want to send it to me... you know you do.

http://i.flowgo.com/greetings/rapeasterbunny/rapeasterbunny.swf

Mr. Turkey Meatball, I salute you

It was a long, stressful day. I went out after work to meet someone and unwind a little. Three vodka cranberries, two and a half hours and no dinner later…

Yet another bizarre cab ride home. Some cab drivers are super nice, some are completely cold and then some are just plain weird. This guy fell into category #3. He decided to impart upon me his philosophy of dating and relationships. I’m thinking, well this should be good! I could use some advice. Who couldn’t… you know? Well, it wasn’t as enlightening as I had hoped. He ended up telling me that, in essence, nothing matters when it comes to dating. Looks don’t matter, personality doesn’t matter, humor doesn’t matter, chemistry doesn’t matter, money doesn’t matter, religion doesn’t matter, etc. He went on and on. What’s your point, I asked. Nothing, no point, was pretty much his answer. So I should just give up on dating then? Great. Ok, how much will that be?

Very anticlimactic, and depressing.

So I walked into my apartment, my stomach craving some sustenance and my head full of bad cab driver memories. There was nothing in the fridge, so I opened the freezer. Aha! Millions of turkey meatballs! It was like a moment of intense clarity, a light at the end of a tunnel, and, of course, the perfect 10 p.m. snack. Mr. Turkey Meatball (pseudonym Aunt Judy), thank you for YOU. You are a life saver. And not the fruit-flavored candy, either. No, you are the kind that actually “saves lives.” I need you on that wall (random movie quote). Your fried turkey and vegetable goodness simply hit the spot. Both my stomach and my head salute you this morning. And I salute you forever. Mr. Turkey Meatball, this one’s for you...

No day but today

Benjamin Franklin once said, “You may delay, but time will not.” Well, Benj, I hate to break it to you, but I did it. I totally delayed time.

This story proves the danger of too much routine and stability. February 26th, February 27th, February 28th and then we have February 29th, right? According to my notes from work, yesterday was, in fact, February 29th. I went through the ENTIRE day thinking that it was still February. And the notion of a leap year never even crossed my mind. It was just that the day before was February 28th, so naturally it must have been February 29th. Scary.

I’m completely aware of the date now. Today is March 2nd. It’s pretty cool to be a day further along in time, but I’m not an advocate of this method. I feel a little jet lagged to be honest. Next entry, the meaning of the term “jet lag.”

Drumroll

Friends, family, colleagues, random mean dude who said I should have sex with Al Franken… I am back. It’s been a while and I regret being such a slacker for the past two months, not really because I’m disappointing my fans – all, eh hem, three of them – but more because I actually enjoy doing this!

Round 2 of AO in DC will not be without changes, however. I’ve decided that the world is too consumed by negative energy. Why should I contribute to that? I will not abandon my sarcasm, but my hope is to focus on the positive side of sarcasm. I’ve also realized that my partisan thinking was doing absolutely no good. All political parties have their evil moments, some more than others… ok, an occasional jab at a Republican or two. We all know there is no such thing as cold turkey, honestly.

So stay tuned. My next post will be very soon. In the meantime, I’ll give you topic. Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island… discuss.

Quote Time #2

Wayne Campbell: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?

Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.

Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?

Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."

Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.

Quote Time

For recent lack of creativity, I'll try to make amends with some of my favorite movie quotes.

Dr. Evil: All right, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out. Everyone out. C'mon.

[Everyone starts to leave]

Dr. Evil: Not you, Scottie. Not you, Number 2. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember. Not you, guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something.

[Scott and Dr. Evil look at Mini Me]

Dr. Evil: Ohh, this is uncomfortable.

Goldmember: Heheheh, the tiny one can't take a hint, Heheheheh. He doesn't understand he's small.