My name is Richie Cunningham and this is my wife, Oprah…

Breaking news! Oprah has released her “Favorite Things” list for the 2004 holiday shopping season. And guess what’s at the top? You guessed it! Burberry! My fave …

http://www.oprah.com/presents/holiday2004/gifts/pres_hol2004_gifts_oft.jhtml

The list also features about 20 other items that PR people have pitched to Oprah’s producers this year. What? You thought Oprah had a vested personal interest in the Dell Pocket DJ?

The 3-day Rule

So I met a guy last Saturday night, gave him my number and, well, waited. As much as I say that I’m “not waiting” and that I, uh (throat clears) “don’t care,” who am I kidding. Even though he looked like Clay Aiken and was wearing a sweater (ouch, I know), I secretly wanted him to call back. He was kind of cute. Ok, shut up to all those who actually met him that night! Attraction is relative. Anyway …

A week later, no call. And so begins another weekend.

I bring it up not because I’m crying myself to sleep every night or anything. But, the situation really made me think about the whole concept of “the waiting game.”

The standard rule is three days. So, if he got my number on Saturday night (well, ok, Sunday morning), then I should not expect a call back until Tuesday night at the earliest. Hence the waiting period in between. However, according to a male coworker, guys sometimes calculate the three days from Sunday, making the call back day Wednesday instead. This is done for several reasons. First, it’s really on Sunday when they begin to think soberly, I mean clearly, and really decide if you’re worth a call back. Second, calling back on a Wednesday night is “more cool” because it’s closer to Friday. No one wants to seem desperate enough to be planning the weekend so far in advance (i.e., Tuesday).

There are many rules of dating etiquette. But this three-day thing has to be the worst. I’ll tell you why. The whole purpose of the three days is so the person with the phone number doesn’t seem either A) too desperate or B) too indifferent. The intention is that he/she comes off at that perfect level of coolness. You know, I like you, baby, but I don’t “need” you.

The problem is that this behavior is not real. It starts the relationship, if there is to be one, totally on the wrong foot. For example, I really like someone, get their number and want to call the next day. But, I don’t because of the stupid rule. So, the guy, who hopefully was equally as excited, thinks I’m blowing him off. Even if I call on the third day, some of that initial energy is lost.

And in my situation with Clay Aiken, there was a pathetic little part of me that was hoping he’d call on that fateful third day. As much as I deny it happened, it was a waste of my time.

The solution is for everyone to be as upfront as possible. Call the person back when YOU want to, not when some random (and, by the way, old school) rule dictates you should. And be yourself. Haha, this is definitely not as easy as I’m making it out to be. Truth is, we all have masks that we wear in trying to woo the opposite sex. I guess the difference is whether it’s a ski mask or one of those masks on a stick some people use at New Years.

Response to the person who anonymously posted comment #2 from my November 3rd post

I’m just going to take this point by point:

“You're an idiot. A complete idiot.”
--- I didn’t realize there were such distinct levels of being an idiot. But, what can I say, I never do anything half-assed.

“I hope you don't take yourself seriously. Go have sex with Al Franken, why don't you?”
--- Hmmm... Interesting idea. However, I believe Mr. Franken is married. I don’t have sex with married men. That’s my version of a moral value.

“Leftist crap. Seriously now, the problem with Kerry is that he is too left. Think about it for a second. If you want to be a democrat and win, you must run to the center, even if you fool people later on by really meaning to govern from the left.”
--- Another question of morality. You see, I believe that if you say something, ESPECIALLY when running for such an important position as the President of the United States, you should mean it. Therefore, I don’t believe Democrats should run to the center just to win an election, only to later on change policy direction.

“That's the problem w/ the democrats. Yes, they'll always win the usual blue states, but they'll never take a chunk out of the red by running to the left. That's exactly why Hillary can't win in 08 should she decide to run. She's a hard-core liberal. Now, nothing wrong w/ it -- she can be who she wants to be, but SHE CAN'T WIN! Do you get it yet?”
--- I agree with you on this one. Hillary probably would not be able to win. It’s unfortunate.

In conclusion then, thanks for bringing these points to my attention. Especially the Al Franken one. That was special. Seriously, whoever you are, thanks for the comments. We have to keep the debate alive because that’s what this country is all about. It invigorates me and obviously you as well. However, if I have to have sex with a left-leaning celebrity activist, can we maybe change it to Ben Affleck? That’d be great, thanks.

The morning after…

What just happened? Did that really just happen… again?

I’m done talking about it. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m shocked. In DC, where more than 90% of voters supported Kerry yesterday, there is a feeling of despair. The streets are quieter than they were yesterday. That energy we felt, seeing the lines at the polls and going to our “happy” hours until late into the night, has been extinguished. What went wrong?

More than anything else, it's embarrassing to me because I still consider – because I still want to consider – this country to be a great one. But then I see half of us completely ignorant, voting for God and lower taxes. You know who they are? Fundamentalist Christians, rich white men and people influenced by scare tactics. Uneducated on longer-term consequences. Wake up!, I want to say… the failing economy, the threatened environment, unrealistic education mandates, rising healthcare costs, diminishing Social Security and Medicare funds… hello, are you listening?

Stem cell research can help so many people. Discrimination – against ANYONE – is simply unacceptable. Is it not 2004? Hello?? Are these people for real? Someone recently said that we’re going back in time, that this election has, and has the potential (i.e., Supreme Court changes) to reverse valuable progress.

It makes me sick... I think even if Kerry won, I'd still be disgusted at how many people still voted for Bush. On "morality?” How is being a liar being moral? How is killing thousands of our troops being moral? And for what? Have we figured that out yet? There is no getting around the facts that there are no WMD and no proven connection from Iraq to Al Qaeda. Not to mention how other countries view us… especially now. They are laughing I tell you, rolling on the floor laughing.

The next four years are going to be hell too... say good-bye to Roe v. Wade, for one. Oh, and don't get me started on the number of homophobes who voted to ban same-sex marriage. What century are you living in? Fuckers. Excuse my freedom fries.

I'm disappointed, but more angry and embarrassed at my fellow citizens. I refuse to believe that the middle of the country is simply “uneducated.” There must be something more… but what is it? What is that impetus that convinces people that it’s ok to deny basic human rights to women, to gays, to those afflicted with disease… I don’t know what it is, but we better figure it out before 2008.