Freaky Yogurt Loaf People

Tuesday morning. The sun was shining, about 45 degrees and slowly climbing to the predicted 70 for the day. I was strutting my shades and feeling “all cool ‘n shit.” People were generally happy, taking more time than usual on the walk to work given the beautiful weather. Things were looking up, and I was feeling chill. I decided to stop in my favorite coffee shop for my signature “tall regular coffee.” Start the day off right.

The people in this place know me well. I frequently stop there for the aforementioned regular coffee, and often add on a “yogurt loaf” to my order. For background, the yogurt loaf is a miracle of modern baking technology. It’s about 5 x 4 x 2 inches, individually wrapped in plastic wrap, and is surprisingly 97% fat free. You can get the marble flavor, lemon, or, my fave, cappuccino chocolate chip. Full of sugar, granted, but whatever, it’s good.

Anyway, I had already had breakfast, so I just ordered the coffee. As I’m paying, I glance over to where the basket of yogurt loaves usually sits on the counter, hoping I wouldn’t be tempted to get one (I’m trying to avoid the double breakfast). There was no basket, so I casually say to the friendly girl at the register, “What? No yogurt loaves anymore?” to which chaos quickly ensued.

As if I just fired a preemptive gunshot from the front lines, the workers in the coffee shop quickly sprung to attention. There were four of them, apparently previously hiding under the counter, I’m really not sure. It’s kind of blurry. The girl at the register started pacing back and forth and the other three ran to the back to search for the yogurt loaves. I tried to stop them by yelling an original, “Stop!” No one seemed to hear me, they were so determined. It was seriously insane. It was only 8:00 a.m., and I was confused.

The only way to actually bring to an end to the great crusade for the yogurt loaf was to literally scream, with my hands actually up in the air in “stop” positions, “Please stop! Not today! I don’t want the yogurt loaf today! Thank you so much, but I was just asking! NOT TODAY!!! STOP!!!”

Register girl finally stopped pacing and heard me. Because I already had my change from the coffee purchase, I just snuck out. There was nothing else I could do. A few of them were still scurrying about trying to find a piece of yogurt loaf. I hope they found one, for their sakes. I just laughed the rest of my way to work…

http://bkfoods.com/loaves.html

PS: A shout out to Uncommon Grounds, the Georgetown coffee shop, who sold yogurt muffins (very similar product) when I went to school there. I’m not sure if they sell them, but that’s what got me hooked. Little did I know that when you start to work downtown, muffins morph into loaves, and loaves produce irrational obsessive behaviors, but it’s all good.