Am I not hygienic? Did I touch my face after using an infected elliptical machine at the gym? Am I in fourth grade? Did someone frickin' spit on me? How in the world did I get pink eye?
It's really a memory I have from grade school. One kid gets it and someone else tells their parents. Before you know it, it's a mini natural disaster by first period the next day. But it doesn't happen to healthy women in their late twenties. Or does it?
I'm still hoping it's a small irritation that just happens to "resemble" pink eye. It's totally possible. Too many nights sleeping with my contacts in. A spec of something kicked up by a Metro bus. Allergies. It could be any of these things. Even if this goes away in a day or two, convincing myself that it's not pink eye will somehow help my pride.
My "on call" optometrist said that pink eye, more accurately described as conjunctivitis, is often linked with the common cold. And since a recent strain of pink eye is viral, just like the common cold, and I happen to be getting over a cold, it all makes sense. So he tells me. I'm thinking that immediately following our phone call today, he hung up and let out a full-bellied chuckle. "That girl is 27 years old! And she has pink eye! Mwah ha ha HA HA." And all of his cronies at the golf club get a good ab workout at my expense.
I don't know why I feel this uncontrollable shame about the pink eye situation. Maybe it's because I would dread ever passing it on to someone. I'd feel horrible if that happened. But, really, I think it's more because I equate it with being a child. I mean, really. What's next? Mono? Chicken pox? Cooties?
Worst of all, there is nothing I can do about it. I have to "let it pass." Be patient. Wear my glasses... ugh. All I can say is, this f*cker better pass before the weekend is over. I will not let pink eye ruin Presidents Day. I live in our nation's capital. And, instead of being cooped up in my apartment with my glasses on, I'd of course rather be celebrating my patriotism and visiting a museum. Or, you know, doing other things.
February 16, 2007
Pink Eye
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2 comments:
the questions. the paranoia. the muffin versus the cupcake. all valid points and quieries that can be found through the ages. now is there an answer? a solution? of course there is! behold the power od choice. one may choose to view such a disgusting virus as a handicap to have an active weekend. but, oh, the flip side to be seen as opportunity! (if you had one shot, one opportunity, to sieze everything you ever wanted, would you capture it? or just let it slip?) this pink eye situation has not happened by accident. it is the voice of the universe to say "aodc, relax, enjoy those moments that have been provided to see clearly and to thououghly clean yourself, you dirty american" or something like that. embrace this time!
Oh the joy of childhood illnesses. As a substitute teacher I have about washed my hands raw trying to keep the dreaded green nose slime cold from visiting. So far the only thing I have not sent a child to the nurse for is lice. I'll bet we went through a box of cleenex on Friday. I wish you well but know that I would just put on my glasses and do as I darn well wanted. MUD
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