Pickup Lines for Bikers

So I biked home today. Today was not the worst of DC humidity, for sure. But it was a little sticky out there. I had just biked up 18th Street at a fast pace. I was slightly out of breath, my heart rate soaring. My tank top, slightly sweaty. I rounded the corner at Columbia Road and came to a stop sign. I was feeling athletic and sporty. Beyonce had just finished singing Irreplaceable on my ipod. All around, the moment was empowering.

And then, just as I caught my breath at the stop sign, I hear...

"Hey baby, can I have a ride?"

I turn to look. I am not excited at what I see. But, I have to admit, it was flattering. I smile one of those "in your dreams" kind of smiles and, just as I stand up on the pedals, giving myself a good boost of speed, I sarcastically say, "Yeah, sure!"

I speed away, never to see Creepy Stop Sign Guy again.

As I biked home, I thought, couldn't he have thought of anything better? I mean, really. There have to be about a million cheesy pickup lines in my head right now, all having to do with bikes. I won't list them here (children read this) but seriously. You've got handlebars, water bottles with nozzles, soft seats, hard seats, peaks, straps, curves, tune-ups, saddles, mirrors, the concept of going down, lubes, tubes, helmets... ok, maybe not helmets. But you get the idea. "Hey baby, can I have a ride," will not impress me.