Smuckers

So I bought some jelly the other day. I'm trying to calm my addiction to the muffins at 7-11 by forcing myself to eat a breakfast of toast with cream cheese and jelly. Just seems healthier. One muffin a week. That is my new rule. Sorry, 7-11. I know I've been a valuable and loyal customer for several months now.

After perusing the condiment aisle at the IGA with careful thought, I finally decided on the Smuckers Simply Fruit. Turns out, it's quite delicious, not overly sweet. Good stuff.

I was looking at the bottle this morning, and, because of extremely effective marketing, their slogan instantly came to mind. "With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good."

Then I thought, does it? Does it really?

We all think of little cute children eating jam. Smuckers = little cute children.

But without the visual picture of the adorable TV commercial kids, I have to say that Smuckers could be something very horrible. Smuckers rhymes with suckers. Which reminds of an alien with tentacles. At the end of each tentacle is what I call a "sucker." These creatures, in the demented world that is my brain, are called "Smuckers."

Watch out! The Smuckers are coming! They don't just suck, they "smuck." I haven't defined what smucking is, but don't you agree it could be horrible? Who wants to be smucked? No one. That's who.

New slogan: "With a name like Smuckers, you better run the hell away."

FYI, this man is an alien if I've ever seen one. Check it out.